Have you ever seen an inverted toilet plunger? I have. In fact, there's one sitting in the restroom of my work, and it has been sitting there for weeks now.
I first noticed it a few weeks back. I headed into the main bathroom to take a dump one afternoon. Just before I sat down, I saw the toilet plunger sitting next to the crapper, with foul, shit-filled water sitting inside the inverted plunger cup.
It's something that happens when you put enough force on the plunger while using it to get it to turn inside out. But clearly someone didn't care about righting it. So they left it with shitty water sitting in it.
The plunger has sat there for several weeks now. The water has dried up, but a crusty residue remains.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Toilet Terminology
full house
n.
the state when all the stalls and urinals of a restroom are occupied.
n.
the state when all the stalls and urinals of a restroom are occupied.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Here's Looking at You Pee, Kid!
Friday my friend invited me to see Gilbert and Sullivan's Iolanthe at the Northpark Theater in San Diego. Of all things poopie, this would be it. We left after the first act. It was cute but just didn't hold our interest.
At any rate, my bladder was going to burst at intermission. I made a mad dash for the bathroom, knocking a few old men out of the way in the process. I judged that they had enlarged prostates and, should they reach the urinal before me, my discomfort would only be prolonged.
I'm not prone to shy bladder, although, when I'm standing at a urinal that is in the line of sight with the bathroom door, I do have some trouble. I don't like it when a line forms and someone stands in the doorway, holding the door open, allowing everyone to see who's on deck. If this does happen though, I have two tricks up my sleeve to let it flow. I either imagine or listen to water running to relax my bladder muscles, or I do what my friend taught me. He stares at the tiles on the wall and ponders who the workmen were that laid those tiles. It clears his mind so he can go.
Anyway, I stepped up to the pisser and, as luck would have it, it was an exposed urinal. But what made my urethra clench to a trickle was a plaque hanging above the urinal. It read, "Here's looking at you, kid." The quote was attributed to someone having nothing to do with the film Casablanca, and as much as I try now to remember who was quoted, I can't. I think the name was Howard Koehl. His business name was there too, but I forget the name. Whoever this Howard is, he must have been someone who donated money to the theater, but not enough money to have his plaques appear in the theater lobby.
Whoever is in charge of the facilities at this theater sure wasn't thinking when he screwed these plaques onto the wall. The last place you want to read the phrase, "Here's looking at you, kid," is while you're trying to squeeze out a few drops.
The next time I go to that theater with a woman, I must remember to ask her if there are any clever quotes on the back of the stall doors in the ladies' restroom. Perhaps something from Martha Raye: "Take it from the big mouth. Get stains clean, even in between!"
At any rate, my bladder was going to burst at intermission. I made a mad dash for the bathroom, knocking a few old men out of the way in the process. I judged that they had enlarged prostates and, should they reach the urinal before me, my discomfort would only be prolonged.
I'm not prone to shy bladder, although, when I'm standing at a urinal that is in the line of sight with the bathroom door, I do have some trouble. I don't like it when a line forms and someone stands in the doorway, holding the door open, allowing everyone to see who's on deck. If this does happen though, I have two tricks up my sleeve to let it flow. I either imagine or listen to water running to relax my bladder muscles, or I do what my friend taught me. He stares at the tiles on the wall and ponders who the workmen were that laid those tiles. It clears his mind so he can go.
Anyway, I stepped up to the pisser and, as luck would have it, it was an exposed urinal. But what made my urethra clench to a trickle was a plaque hanging above the urinal. It read, "Here's looking at you, kid." The quote was attributed to someone having nothing to do with the film Casablanca, and as much as I try now to remember who was quoted, I can't. I think the name was Howard Koehl. His business name was there too, but I forget the name. Whoever this Howard is, he must have been someone who donated money to the theater, but not enough money to have his plaques appear in the theater lobby.
Whoever is in charge of the facilities at this theater sure wasn't thinking when he screwed these plaques onto the wall. The last place you want to read the phrase, "Here's looking at you, kid," is while you're trying to squeeze out a few drops.
The next time I go to that theater with a woman, I must remember to ask her if there are any clever quotes on the back of the stall doors in the ladies' restroom. Perhaps something from Martha Raye: "Take it from the big mouth. Get stains clean, even in between!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
