Toilet Terminology

toilet clogger
n.
1. One who consistently plugs up a toilet with each use.
2. A turd of extreme proportion that stops up the toilet and may result in an overflow.
Quick, bring towels! Jim has dropped another toilet clogger!

Mouth-Watering Rich Gravy

When did eating cans of Alpo dog food become the new physical fitness trend? Because that's what the men's bathrooms at the three different 24Hour Fitness gyms I go to smell like--wet, shitty dog food.

Have you ever taken a whiff of a can of that slop? Nothing but ears and tails floating in brown soup.

Most of the time the smell doesn't permeate the locker room. It usually stays contained to the toilet area, but not tonight. That revolting stench hit my nose the moment I set foot in the locker room.

The worst part is that the bathrooms don't have any vents to air the stink to the outside, and the management doesn't use air freshener to cover up the repugnant odor.

All I can say is that I don't think a healthy man can make that kind of smell.

Peakaboo Potty

Someone at work is a little shy about doing number 2, and it's not me. In the bathroom closest to my cube is one stall. That stall has about a one-and-a-half in gap in between the stall door and the tile wall. The stall is very close to the urinal, and while you could stand and he urinal and peer between the crack and see if someone is sitting on the pot, you'd have to be very intent on catching a peek. But this someone is so shy that they've taken to tearing off a long strip of toilet paper and hanging down the entire length of the gap.

One of these days..."Peakaboo! I see you!"

Massage 'N Go

I had the first massage of my life over the weekend. An hour's worth of rubbing for for $49, not including tip. Not bad. It left with a nice afterglow I wasn't expecting. I thought my muscles would feel looser, and while they did, I really felt great. The massage therapist told me to drink lots of water, and afterwards I had a glass. But let's just say the output did not equal the input. I had to pee, and pee and pee a lot! Sometimes a lot within just five minutes of my last trip.

Those who've never had a massage be warned, you might be like those commercials, "Gotta go. Gotta go, Gotta go right now! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta go."