My restroom stalker was hounding me again. Most of today was back-to-back meetings, and one of them happened to be with my stalker.
My entire department was returning from a meeting, and before I could get back to my cube, someone in another department said to me, "So-and-so is looking for you." I knew he would be at my cube, circling over it like hawk circles over a rodent before it swoops down and swallows it whole. Sure enough, as I got within ten paces of my cube, there he was. "Do you have time to meet now," he asked in a destitute tone.
"Yes, but I need five minutes. I have to go to the bathroom," I announced in a voice loud enough that everyone in my department could hear.
"Yeah, I just want to meet with you to discuss this project," he replied unrelenting, his breath and body odor reeking of cigarettes. This is a man who takes a cigarette break every fifteen minutes.
"That's fine, but I really do have to go the bathroom." This time everyone who heard laughed because they knew I was pissed. That's exactly what I did, I went and pissed.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Restroom Stalker
Long time since a post. No excuses, just a new story. I went to the bathroom at work today, and when I came out, there was someone from Marketing waiting for me! This guy saw me go into the bathroom, and rather than come back and catch me at a later time, he, like the pest that he is, stood outside the door to intercept me. Creepy!!!! He's not a homo, he's just a pest.
He calls me at my workstation the moment I sit down in the morning, and pesters me all day long wanting to know if I have all the information I need to do my work. On the surface, that sounds very conscientious, but in reality, he's only asking because he knows he gives fragmented instructions and, being at the company for only four months, doesn't have any of the answers I need. When I ask him for something I need, he'll recap the whole project from the beginning, right up to the point of where I need the information, then ask, "So, do you feel comfortable? Do you have everything you need?"
"Uh, no. I need what I just asked for."
Pest!
He calls me at my workstation the moment I sit down in the morning, and pesters me all day long wanting to know if I have all the information I need to do my work. On the surface, that sounds very conscientious, but in reality, he's only asking because he knows he gives fragmented instructions and, being at the company for only four months, doesn't have any of the answers I need. When I ask him for something I need, he'll recap the whole project from the beginning, right up to the point of where I need the information, then ask, "So, do you feel comfortable? Do you have everything you need?"
"Uh, no. I need what I just asked for."
Pest!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
2-2-At-2
In my last entry I touched on the issue of talking on the phone in the bathroom. In my opinion it's gross, it's tasteless, it's rude to those around you who need complete silence to do their business. But how many people are more open the idea of text on the can?
I know at least one co-worker who admits freely to texting while shitting. He does No. 2 at 2PM and goes down to the second floor bathrooms to do it. He goes there because he thinks their bathrooms are nicer. They're exactly the same. It's referred to at work as the 2-2-at-2. And he texts coworkers when he does it saying, "Guess where I am?"
A couple of days ago I'm sure I caught a covert texter who was sending a message while on the toilet. From the stall, I heard a soft clicking sound, like the kind you might here from a keypad of a cell phone. There were no beeps, just the clicking sound.
I have never sent a text message from a cell phone in my entire life. It's true. I don't use them. The reason why is an entirely different story. But texting while in the bathroom makes me think of one of my friends who dropped his cell phone in -- his own words -- "a piss-filled toilet." I never asked if he was texting while pissing, but he is a consummate texter and the more I think about it, I think that's how it went down.
I know at least one co-worker who admits freely to texting while shitting. He does No. 2 at 2PM and goes down to the second floor bathrooms to do it. He goes there because he thinks their bathrooms are nicer. They're exactly the same. It's referred to at work as the 2-2-at-2. And he texts coworkers when he does it saying, "Guess where I am?"
A couple of days ago I'm sure I caught a covert texter who was sending a message while on the toilet. From the stall, I heard a soft clicking sound, like the kind you might here from a keypad of a cell phone. There were no beeps, just the clicking sound.
I have never sent a text message from a cell phone in my entire life. It's true. I don't use them. The reason why is an entirely different story. But texting while in the bathroom makes me think of one of my friends who dropped his cell phone in -- his own words -- "a piss-filled toilet." I never asked if he was texting while pissing, but he is a consummate texter and the more I think about it, I think that's how it went down.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
"Oh no she di'n't!"
It's not often that I can talk about what goes on in the women's bathroom, except for when I'm in a Starbucks, or a gas station and I can't wait for the men's room to clear out and I have to go. Did you male readers know they get special chairs or couches to sit on when they have their cramps?
On Thursday, when I stepped out of the men's room, I saw a large black woman coming out of the door of the women's room gabbing on her cell phone coming out the door. Now she was one of those large black women who just by looking at her you can tell she doesn't take crap from nobody. Kind of like the Pinesol lady.
I don't know who she was talking to or what she was talking about, but the conservation definitely started in the can. Most likely when she was sitting on the toilet. What a lovely picture.
On Thursday, when I stepped out of the men's room, I saw a large black woman coming out of the door of the women's room gabbing on her cell phone coming out the door. Now she was one of those large black women who just by looking at her you can tell she doesn't take crap from nobody. Kind of like the Pinesol lady.
I don't know who she was talking to or what she was talking about, but the conservation definitely started in the can. Most likely when she was sitting on the toilet. What a lovely picture.
Monday, June 4, 2007
"Busy!"
Why wouldn't a grown man, a professional no less, lock the stall door? It's beyond me.
After two cups of coffee and two cups of water I made a dash for the small bathroom nearest my cube. It has one urinal and one stall. There was someone at the urinal so I opened the door to the stall and saw a man standing there. No more than a glimpse, I closed the door and he called out, "Busy!"
No shit? Lock the door you fool! Here you are a man in your mid forties, well dressed in business clothes and you don't know how to slide a latch on the door. Hey stupid. Close the door!
After two cups of coffee and two cups of water I made a dash for the small bathroom nearest my cube. It has one urinal and one stall. There was someone at the urinal so I opened the door to the stall and saw a man standing there. No more than a glimpse, I closed the door and he called out, "Busy!"
No shit? Lock the door you fool! Here you are a man in your mid forties, well dressed in business clothes and you don't know how to slide a latch on the door. Hey stupid. Close the door!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Toilet Terminology
toilet clogger
n.
1. One who consistently plugs up a toilet with each use.
2. A turd of extreme proportion that stops up the toilet and may result in an overflow.
Quick, bring towels! Jim has dropped another toilet clogger!
n.
1. One who consistently plugs up a toilet with each use.
2. A turd of extreme proportion that stops up the toilet and may result in an overflow.
Quick, bring towels! Jim has dropped another toilet clogger!
Mouth-Watering Rich Gravy
When did eating cans of Alpo dog food become the new physical fitness trend? Because that's what the men's bathrooms at the three different 24Hour Fitness gyms I go to smell like--wet, shitty dog food.
Have you ever taken a whiff of a can of that slop? Nothing but ears and tails floating in brown soup.
Most of the time the smell doesn't permeate the locker room. It usually stays contained to the toilet area, but not tonight. That revolting stench hit my nose the moment I set foot in the locker room.
The worst part is that the bathrooms don't have any vents to air the stink to the outside, and the management doesn't use air freshener to cover up the repugnant odor.
All I can say is that I don't think a healthy man can make that kind of smell.
Have you ever taken a whiff of a can of that slop? Nothing but ears and tails floating in brown soup.
Most of the time the smell doesn't permeate the locker room. It usually stays contained to the toilet area, but not tonight. That revolting stench hit my nose the moment I set foot in the locker room.
The worst part is that the bathrooms don't have any vents to air the stink to the outside, and the management doesn't use air freshener to cover up the repugnant odor.
All I can say is that I don't think a healthy man can make that kind of smell.
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